I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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