vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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