Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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