Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
