the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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