Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize