I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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