grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
