her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
