a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
