Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
