I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
try to milk me bitch
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