All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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