i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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