the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
