There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
