So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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