I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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