Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I think I just sharted jello shots
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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