is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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