Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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