please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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