if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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