OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
