I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
