took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
