you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
honey bunches of taint.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
