did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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