you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
