Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
