Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
