I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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