the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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