This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
