Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
