i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
