He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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