In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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