theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
