Rock
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Fuck
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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