i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
