I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
