this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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