a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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