the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
