my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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