It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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