he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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