Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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