does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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