Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
