You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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