Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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