ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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