You're my little dorito
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
