Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
