dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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