I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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