Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
false alarm, still single
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
