toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
