Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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