Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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