I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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