I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
