We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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