my being single is dangerous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
