Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
