This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
