i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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