You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think my mom watched the whole time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
