Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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