Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is the high leading the old right now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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