mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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