We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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