just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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